You may not know it, but your lawnmower is evil. Right now, it's probably in your storage shed or garage or lawnmower shack or other type of thing- unless you're mowing right now and simultaneously reading this, or you don't have a lawnmower- but anyway, it's plotting evilly on how best to take over the world. This is why I suggest from now on mowing your yard with….
AN ELEPHANT EYEBROW!
Think about it. It's economical, and environmentally it's better than a lawnmower! All you have to do is order an Elephant Eyebrow for the low, low price of $19.99!*, and you'll be the envy of all your neighbors! It's quiet, easy-to-use, and stylish! Here's some great features!
-Less work than a traditional lawnmower
-Stylish designer look
-IT'S AN ELEPHANT EYEBROW! WHAT MORE REASON DO YOU NEED!?!?
Here's some reviews of our groundbreaking product!
"I'm a baby, and I was a baby, and I didn't know I was a baby, but now I'm a baby"
- A baby
"That ain't no potato chip."
- Bradlyn Nichtenennamen
Here's how it works: you click this link, and order. http://tinyurl.com/y8ufsnp
As for the payment, we'll come to your house in the middle of the night and politely and efficiently take all your possessions and possibly your first born child, if you're poor.
*And by "$19.99" we mean "$7,400.27" Plus whatever jail time you receive for poaching.