Once there was a goat. His name was Haggis. When Haggis was a young goat, he always tried to ask his mother questions, but he was a goat and therefore couldn't speak. This upset the goat very much, and as he grew older, he tried to vent his frustration through the medium of music, specifically rap. But he was a goat, and therefore couldn't rap. This upset the goat so much, he dyed his hair jet black and became emo. But since hair was covering his entire body, he had to dye his entire body black. One day the farmer came outside to check on his goats. He was an avid Slipknot fan, and was not very bright (that sentence was slightly redundant). He saw the goat with the dyed black hair and said "That goat should be slipknot's mascot. I think i'll make this goat slipknot's mascot!" so he made the goat slipknot's mascot, but they still made terrible music. One day, while they were in concert, HP Lovecraft showed up. He was inspired by this, and like all authors do when they see something that inspires them..... grew a mustache and shaved it to look like a goat. Finally, Haggis broke free after many years. He had thought before that since he was a goat and couldn't talk, he could never be a rapper. But his years with slipknot had taught him something: you don't actually have to annunciate, or even talk, to be a singer.
THE END! ... for now. Part two next week!