Tuesday, August 30, 2011

8 Reasons Why Octopi Avoid Spaghetti Like the Plague

We all know octopi try to avoid spaghetti whenever possible- but why? In this article, we'll take an in-depth look at some of the reasons.

    1. In ancient times, it was believed by many that spaghetti was a malevolent spirit sent from the underworld sent to wreak havoc on poor unsuspecting souls, and to wreak deliciousness on their taste buds. It is believed that the leader of the octopuses left the water to fight the spaghetti and save the earth, but to defeat the spaghetti, he had to sacrifice himself. After their epic battle, both spaghetti and the king of the octopi lay vanquished. In mourning for their king, they swore to get revenge.
While this is just a rumor, it would explain Many things. But a more likely reason is....

     2.  Spaghetti is a deadly poison to octopi.
 While The first one was a rumor, this is an actual fact. In 1978, a scientist named Larrence Q Lerrison was doing experiments on squids' and octopi's favorite foods, and he discovered while the squids' 3rd favorite food on average was spaghetti, octopi would become hostile the moment they saw spaghetti. Upon further investigation, he found if he blindfolded the octopi, they would eat spaghetti. But, unfortunately every octopus he fed spaghetti to died within an hour. After many hours of research, he found that a certain key ingredient in the tomato sauce caused a severe allergic reaction in octopi.

Another reason they avoid spaghetti like the plague is...

3. They see spaghetti as an enemy. Think about it... You're in the water one day, minding your own business, at a octopus bank or something, and suddenly... A CREATURE WITH HUNDREDS OF FLAILING TENTACLES COMES FLYING AT YOU!  That's enough reason.


8. In the water, the spaghetti noodles can wrap around an octopus and strangle it. While some say this is heredity fear, it's more likely that octopus mothers tell their little octopus babies horror stories about "how the spaghetti killed uncle Oswald."

Anyway, that's 8 reasons why octopi avoid spaghetti like the plaugue. Oh, and if 5-7 didn't show up, that's because Skymall probably paid Google in massage boots to remove them.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

It's that time again. Post time. YAY!!!!!!!! 

Not that kind of post? Whatever. How about this kind?


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Strange world

The world is a strange place. We have a lot of strange customs. For instance, giving people flowers to say "I'm sorry" or "I love you" or "I ran over your dog, but I'm not apologizing because your dog was messing up my shrubbery LOL". What we're really saying when we give people flowers is "here, put these in water and watch them die". I feel like they should be for making people feel bad. "here's some flowers, you can watch them die. Just like you will, sooner or later. Probably sooner." Or even as threats: "Watch these die. You're next."
Another strange thing is baseball. You hit the ball, then run as fast as you can to exactly where you started. It would be less work to just stand there. The referee would be like "go, facetard" and the player would just stand there and be like "yeah, whatever." 

Anyway, I'm off to go LOL at pictures of adorable kittens with captions on them. 
        Master chef

Saturday, August 13, 2011

New Compè

Why hello, World! Since I've last written, I've acquired a new computer. Previously, I had been writing these blog posts from a cardboard microwave box with a computer screen and keyboard drawn with crayons by my highly trained staff of lemurs. Now that I have a computer, I have laid off my staff of lemurs. These lemurs have now banded up and formed a pop music group. Their new album "Not A Real Album" has already gone platinum, and they plan to release a new album within the next month, covering the Greatest Easy Listening Polka Hits of The 90's.
     Perhaps in the next few days, I shall return, with blog postings MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE or maybe not. Whatever.
                         Master Chef.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Why hello, children! Do you know what time it is? It's "school starts/feelings of hate and dread" time! It's scientifically proven: the pythagorian theorem causes fear. And fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. And hate leads to the dark side. And the dark side leads to cookies (the cookies are actually a lie, trust me). Little known fact: darth vader was a math major before he turned to the dark side. He was always making nerdy jokes, and all the other padawans made fun of him. Anyway, I better go. They're having a sale down at the Maul— everything is half off. OOH CORNY STAR WARS JOKE!!!!!

May the Mass x Acceleration be with you,
Master Chef

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Freestyle blog post

Aight, yo, I'm doing a blog post like a freestyle rap, after this is over ima take a nap, maybe I'll dream about some bubble wrap. Anyway, at the YMLC, some guy came and started talking to me, he said "yo, man, update ya blog!" I said, "aight man, my homeskillet, my home-dawg", so here I am updating my blog. Ooh, I just rhymed "blog" with "dawg" with "blog", dawg!

But seriously, I haven't updated in forever. I'm just completely ditching the webcomic thing. Instead, I'll be doing a normal style blog. Webcomics is work. I'm too lazy. But a blog takes almost no effort. So, expect at least weekly updates. (I'll probably be a procrastinator about that too.)
Anyway, I have this friend, who's always using similes. He's like, annoying. (that was a joke. I don't have friends.)

Spaghetti, master chef.

PS. Shoutout to the 'Sip!