Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The tale of the Goat Named Haggis, pt. 3 of 37, or, The Smile Was Fake, But The Tears Were Real.

When we last left off, Haggis and the man with the handlebar mustache were on their way to the toothpaste factory. 
    "Here we are at the Toothpaste Factory!" said the extremely white man with the handlebar mustache. The goat replied "Baaaaaaaaa," which probably meant "I need to say something here to alert the readers to my presence, in case they haven't read the first two parts, which they need to do before they read this."
    The Man with the Handlebar Mustache and Haggis walked through the doors of the Toothpaste Factory, which were made out of giant tubes of Toothpaste. A man dressed as a giant tube of toothpaste greeted them with a giant, almost maniacal smile. "Howdy! Welcome to the Toothpaste Factory! Where all your wildest dreams come true!"
    He continued smiling his plastic smile, but you could see when you looked in his eyes his crushed spirit and broken dreams. "How can we help you?" He said. "Hi there! I'm here for a job interview," said The Man with the Handlebar Mustache.
    The toothpaste man continued to smile his fake smile. "Right this way!" He said, pointing the way. 
    The White Man with the Handlebar Mustache and Haggis went the way he was pointing. They passed several people at desks smiling the same plastic smile with empty, cruel eyes. "Baaaaaah!!!" screamed Haggis, which meant something like "My, how this situation is becoming creepy!" "My, how this situation is becoming creepy," said the Man with the Handlebar Mustache, commenting on how the situation was becoming creepy. 
    They eventually made their way to a door with a giant sign above it that said "Interview Room." Haggis nervously looked back down the hallway, reading the signs hung on the wall that said things like "The Toothpaste Factory, where all your wildest dreams come true!" and "The Toothpaste Factory: No spirits broken here!" and "The Toothpaste Factory: All toasters toast toast!"
    The Man with the Handlebar Mustache opened the door to the interview room. There were two chairs, a coffee table with two issues of Highlights for kids from the 80s, a large imposing desk, and a dimly lit chair ominously facing away. The chair spun around, but it was to dark to see the face. The door slammed behind the duo, trapping them in the same room as chair-spinning-dimly-lit-face man. He leaned forward slowly into the light. As the man was leaning forward, both The Man with the Handlebar Mustache and Haggis gasped. "A BABY!?" They yelled.
    "What? No. I don't even..." said the large bald man chewing a toothbrush. "My name is Larylyn."
    "Oh. For a second a thought you might have been Baby. lol." said The Man with the Handlebar Mustache.
    "So you're here for an interview. What are your skills?"
    "Well, when I was just an infant, I was lost in this very building and I learned all the ins and outs of The Toothpaste Factory. My expertise is in toothpaste cap quality management though."
    "Interesting." said Larylyn. "You got the job. But beware, this is a high risk job. You have one shot at this. We can't afford a mistake at that level. Also, why do you have a goat?"
     "Why do you have a FACE?" said The Man with the Handlebar Mustache.
     "I was born this way. Oooo, There ain't no other way. Or whatever. Anyway, leave, and then come back tomorrow at the times for your job."
     The duo of The Man with the Handlebar Mustache and Haggis left the interview room, passing all the cruel, empty eyes. They passed the toothpaste doorman, who's plastic smile was as plastic as ever, but his eyes told of his crushed hope. "Have a fantastic day!" said the toothpaste doorman, whose cheery voice belied his broken dreams. He shut the toothpaste doors behind them as they left the building, a single tear sliding down his smiling face. 

THIS EXCITING EPIC CONTINUED NEXT WEEK!                                                    

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