Thursday, April 12, 2012

The Tale of Haggis the Goat pt. 6 of 37

Staven and Steve looked at each other. Staven smirked and said "And who are these HOODELUMS? Hmm? And also, why is that guy stuffing whole-wheat all natural organic baby carrots in his nose? Seriously, what is the deal with him?"
      Hippie man pulled the carrot out of his nose. "Hey man- You're really messing up the vibe in here. You know what you're doing? Messing up the vibe in here, that's what."
    Staven looked at Hippie man in an awkward silence. The entire group stood and looked at the ground, awkwardly clearing their throats and shuffling their feet. Staven looked up. "So, you guys recording here today? That's cool, that's cool."
    "Yessir! We sure are," said The Extremely White Man with the Handlebar Mustache.
"Baaaaaaa," Haggis agreed.
     "Even though I work here at Addicted to Pants Recording Studio, music isn't really my interest. My main interest is, well... No, you wouldn't understand. No one does." Staven looked away, dejected.
      "Baaaaahh!" Haggis said, which means, essentially, "Please tell us! I am *quite* understanding, I'll have you know."
     Staven sighed. "Fine. I'll tell you... My lifelong goal is to find... A haggis."
     The rest of the group pointed at Haggis, including Hippie Guitar Man who was once again sticking carrots in his nose. "This is a Haggis," they said.
    "No, no, I knew you wouldn't understand! I mean a REAL haggis..."
    Extremely White Man with the Handlebar Mustache exclaimed "You'll be hard pressed to find a Haggis as real as this Haggis!" Hippie Guitar Man nodded. "Yeah man, totally all natural and organic."
    Staven backed up and shook his hands defensively. "No, you misunderstand me. This is what I mean by a REAL haggis..."
    The others stared at him in awe. "What-- What's that?" someone said as they watched Staven procure the link to Wikipedia. "I... I don't know," said another.
      "Go ahead, click it." Staven encouraged.
Haggis clicked the link. The rest followed suit and read the short article on the Wild Haggis.
      "Ah," said Steve. "That makes this whole thing much clearer. However, they don't exist."
"Oh, but they DO!" Staven said energetically. "I've seen one, seen it with my own two eyes. Clear as day."
       Hippie Guitar Man pulled off his sunglasses, took the carrots out of his nose, and looked each one of them in the eye, all at the same time. "Gentlemen... I'm afraid you'll find Staven here... To be quite right. Quite right... indeed."

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